More Noooos

Well finally my boss spoke to my client boss and told him I am leaving.

What now? Well they both agreed it would be very helpful if I would work an extra month, until the end of June. I think they are going to come to some arrangement regarding just how much they want me, if you understand what I am saying.

In the meantime the important piece of work that I am doing seems to be very low on everyone else's priority list, and I am just wondering what happens if I fail to deliver it today.

If you ever want to chill out then never forget how good Banco De Gaia is, I am just listening to Last Train to Lhasa and find myself more relaxed than I have been for some considerable time. Aaaaaaah

Pictures

I thought that maybe I should liven this blog up with some pictures, so I did a quickie Google Image search on the word Idiocy and this is what I found:










I'm sure you don't need this translating?




I think there might be some kind of common theme running through this.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I am getting very hassled today for a variety of reasons:
i) I was volunteered to take a collleague's work so that she could have the afternoon off (in fact it seems that the whole of the department, except me, is taking the afternoon off)
ii) I got an email about my interview on Monday asking why I hadn't provided feedback. Well since I was the candidate I didn't really think that this was a so-called 360 interview. Should I make them an offer?
iii) Still no firm offers of work
iv) I will be required to work until May 31st, so any leave I have accrued will be paid off as a final salary, this is likely to be for 15.5 days though, so the tax I will have to pay will be quite painful.

Listen to MFTJG - Prodigy

DON'T CLICK THIS

They say "Bored of London...

...Bored of Life"
Well I'm bored of Düsseldorf, I don't know what that means.

Although I am starting to thing that fate is trying to tell me that I shouldn't leave for the following reasons.

Two weekends ago after I had made my mind up to leave, I happened to bump into three different people as I was bimbling around the city, something which has only happened once or twice in the whole time I have been here, and so we had a quick chat and it was very pleasant. But I got to thinking that this is a pleasant thing to happen and something that may only occur once in a lifetime in London. (in fact often despite plans, numerous emails, text messages and smoke signals people still seem to be unable to meet up)
The last night as I went into the pub, three of the staff greeted me cheerily, and one asked if I wanted a Guinness, to which I replied "of course" and carried on without breaking my stride to the basement to the big screen TV where the Swede (Swedes in fact) had reserved a seat for me. My Guinness followed me down accompanied by the unusually playful waitress! Now if thats not service I don't know what is. This was the closest I have ever come to a "Norm" moment*

*From the popular '80s sit com Cheers where the over large accountant Norm (George Wendt) upon entering the bar would always be greeted by a resounding cheer of his name and a cold frothing beer.

Read whilst trying not to listen to people leaving work whilst you have to stay late to compensate for your incompetant colleague who has destroyed your whole day's work, thanks dude

Bored and have web access?

But unable to access porn (for religious or corporate policy reasons)?
Inquisitive mind (we've all got inquisitive minds)?

Then check out the random page finder at Wikipedia

Four attempts, I got:

Thai Rock
rock music by Thai bands. Not sticks of confectionary with Phuket written through the centre.*

W. Ross Macdonald School for the Blind
which has special artificial lights fitted with dimmer switches. Personally I would have thought that lights in a school for the blind were somewhat redundant, maybe this is why they have artificial lights and not real ones.

Kestrel engines
Engines named Kestrel (apparently) and not the motive force behind Britains 2nd favourite indiginous bird of prey*

Kerguelen Islands
Archepelago in the southern indian ocean. Famous for: Nothing really, although it does have a population of feral cats descended from ships cats!

* Ha Ha


Still no news. AAAAaaargh

another myth dispelled

Well they say "No news is good news."

I don't think so, no news is simply no news, the absence of news, a news vacuum. Not only is it not bad news it is also, by definition, not good news.

And sometimes even bad news is good news, because it stops you from refreshing you internet mail inbox every 3 minutes whilst waiting for news.

try reading whilst listening to an irritating german talking too loud, every minute of every day for the rest of your miserable life.

A Watched Kettle.. part 2

Well I spent a busy evening at german lessons, running and at the pub watching the Chelsea Liverpool stalemate, and in the meantime, my kettle resolutely refused to boil.

I am quietly going out of my mind now!

I keep thinking there are lots of things I need to be doing, and I am wasting time, however, until I know what I am doing its difficult.

read while listening to the sound of your own heart hammering away

A Watched Kettle..

Well they say a watched kettle never boils, (though having studied Boyle's Law I don't believe this to be true* **), and I have been watching this particular kettle for two whole days now.

The kettle in question is my email.
Why am I watching it? To see if I have a job.
And so far, its not boiling.

* I realise that Boyle's Law doesn't directly describe state changes
** In thinking about this I have realised why a watched kettle never boils. Imagine a perfectly black kettle whose only energy input is a constant source of white light, in a completely reflective box, eventually all the light will be absorbed by the kettle and it will therefore heat up and eventually boil. Now cut two holes in the box and watch it, some of the light is absorbed in your retina and, heh presto the kettle resolutely refuses to boil, meanwhile you will go blind

read while listening to anything you like

Fractured

Here is some idiocy.

My colleague who broke his arm and has had countless time of work as a result, just told me he is going home. I asked him how he was finding taking the train to work, and he said "no no no I always drive to work!". I assumed he was joking since his right arm (the one you use for the hand break, the gearstick as well as steering, indicating and hitting your horn) is in plaster from the palm to above the elbow! But apparently not.

Maybe I am being way too cautious, but I would have thought this was quite dangerous. I suggested that this is as good a way as any to break the remaining bones in his body!

Read whilst listening to: Helmet - Crashing Foreign Cars

Play Delayed

Sony have announced that as well as charging Europeans alot more for the PSP that we will have to wait (until 1 September) to pay for it as well. I don' t mean they are selling them on a Buy Now Pay Later scheme, merely that they are keeping current stocks available for the US market until the demand has waned, before switching over to selling in Europe.

I say boo to you Sony.

So tired, tired of waiting, tired of waiting for yooooooo!

Hello B,

The last week or so has gone by soooo sloooowwwlllleeee, it feels like a whole month long. I feel like I have been leaving here forever, and still noone knows.

I find it quite weird that I have posted my resignation here on the old blog which is unrestricted, and anyone with web access can read it, but my colleagues who sit at the next desk have no knowledge that in 5 weeks (and counting) they will never see me again.

I just got a statement of my accrued leave through which tells me that of the 19 working days between today and my official leaving date, I can take 14.5 of them as vacation. Woo hoo (puncht the air), so this time next week I could be (but probably won't be) sitting on the beach sipping pina coladas (in fact make that I definitely won't be), but you get the idea.

So no idiocy to speak of really.

Read this whist sipping pina colada and listen to Leaving on a jet plane

Unemployed but hopefully not unemployable

Hello Blog,

Today I resigned. I currently have no job to go to, but hopefully that will change in the next few hours/days.
If I cannot find a job I may resort to putting Google ads on this site to fund my international playboy lifestyle. if so please click them.

Anyway I am working here until 31st May and then well who knows...
Anyone wanting to visit Düsseldorf can do so until then and I will probably need to keep my apartment on until end of July (due to contractual obligations).

So there you go.

Gizza job!


Read whilst listening to: Its a long way to Tipperaree

Idiocy in the News

I spent some time today looking at the news on the net and found some interesting bits and pieces which I will share:

I) Boy steals tram.
So this 15 year old kid in Melbourne (Australia), a self professed ?Tram-nut? waltzes into the tram depot and lifts a set of tram keys. Then twice (twice) takes a tram for a spin, firstly travelling just 50metres before bailing, the second time running a normal service for 30 minutes including stopping to collect passengers!!!!
Quote of the week has to go to police constable Barry Hills:
However, police said they saw no reason why the teenager could not become a tram driver in the future.
"If he stays on the straight and narrow, then it's certainly not going to affect his future," Mr Hills said.

So I?m thinking, ?What was possibly going through the unnamed teenager?s brain?? Did he really think he was going to escape? Was he planning to respray the tram and sell it on? And why a tram? They aren?t the most glamourous of vehicles, they have a low top speed, poor handling, no handbrake turn, and they are very difficult to customise (If you don?t believe me go to Halfords yourself).


II) Great Wall of China visible from space (again).
The Chinese were really disappointed when some astronauts said that despite the widely held belief, they could not see the Great Wall of China from space. So imagine their relief when a Chinese-American astronaut took a photo with his own (commercially available) camera which clearly showed the Wall. Unfortunately the photo also showed the road and railway which run alongside the wall, so the Chinese were disappointed again that the Great Wall is not despite the widely held belief the only manmade structure visible from space. (Also visible are the Pyramids and some larger airports, sorry Beijing.)
No doubt the Japanese will be trying to build something huge just to piss the Chinese off some more.
Note Space.com has a list of images taken from space, including palm island, Dubei
Or for REALLY BIG PICTURES (not naked eye): Geoserve


III) Argentinian jailed for 640 years for crimes against humanity.
Now I don?t want to comment on what this guy did (kidnapped people and threw them out of planes in the name of government security), but his sentencing in Spain saw him receive a 21 year sentence for each of the 30 people he ejected from planes, and a further five years each for torture and illegal imprisonment. Now this guy is obviously pretty nasty, but once he had received 630 years of detention do you think he really needed to have 10 more added? He is hardly going to be more likely to come out and start torturing or illegal imprisoning people is he.
Despite this long sentence (from the court, not my blog) the maximum anyone guilty of non-terrorist offences can spend in jail is 30 years, whatever the original sentence. So watch out in 2035 for an 88 year old Argie flight attendant.


IV) Elephants rampage through Seoul
Six elephants escaped from a circus and (get this) broke into a restaurant, before running amok through suburban Seoul. Apparently
?One elephant was briefly detained at a police station?

And god knows I ?m a lot small than an elephant (these days) but the coward of the week award goes to this Korean landlord:
One of the elephants ran into an alley and hit a 52-year-old woman with its trunk her landlord, who was standing with her when the elephant appeared, said he ran away scared

Erm I guess my news will have to wait until the world is a bit quieter.

Big Problems Big solutions

This morning I met Tizi-Tazi on the U-Bahn and we were surrounded by a million Greek kids with enough hair gel, testosterone and ADHD to power the world. It?s amazing how quickly you wake up when there are a thousand schoolkids yelling in your ear.
So here?s my plan to solve the world?s energy crisis.

• Construct a specially designed powerstation that runs on teenage hormones and noise (shouldn?t be too hard).
• Leak a rumour to the greek / tukish community (every city has one) that there is free hair gel / hair dye available there.
• Wait until all the urchins are inside and shut the doors.
• Heh presto free energy for all.

Next week I solve the world?s water shortage by bottling 88 million German?s tears when they finally realise they aren't as good as they thought.

Listen to: Moby Animal Rights

Vote: Ric (website soon)

Disclaimer: If the contents this post caused you offense then I can only say I am sorry, sorry that you are greek, turkish, german or just easily offended, go and read someone else's blog instead, I hear David Duchovny is more sympathetic.

Spin

Ok so i applied some Labour(scum)-like spin to the figures, they were index-linked and seasonally adjusted. This is probably more realistic. Oh my god!

• Don't legalise foxhunting, legalise Labour MP hunting. Its more fun and more environmentally friendly
• Ban smoking in all places (public and private).
• By taxing the rich you force us to move overseas (which is fine so long as overseas means sea, sun and cocktails with little umbrellas, but not if it is a stinking grey bunker amongst trigger happy megalomaniacs)

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Conservative

Your actual outcome:

Labour -5
	Conservative 10
	Liberal Democrat 18
	UK Independence Party 24
	Green 34

You should vote: Green

The Green Party, which is of course strong on environmental issues, takes a strong position on welfare issues, but was firmly against the war in Iraq. Other key concerns are cannabis, where the party takes a liberal line, and foxhunting, which unsurprisingly the Greens are firmly against.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Well Andy sent me this link and so I had a go assuming that I was eligible to vote. It seems that I should vote against all parties, but least against the conservatives (huh).

So I place my cross in Anyone But Tony Party.

Tschüß

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Conservative

Your actual outcome:

Labour -15
Conservative -3
Liberal Democrat -5
UK Independence Party -10
Green -25

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Tony's Won it Again

Well well well.

It seems that I have missed the boat, and Michael Howard will be the one to suffer.
I have just been investigating the process for oveseas British subjects (although it seems we have all been reclassified as "citizens" without my consent) voting in the UK elections and...

Upcoming elections
You have elections to the UK Parliament on 5 May 2005.

Registering to Vote

You need to be on the electoral register to vote. The deadline for registration in order to vote in elections held on 5 May 2005 was 11 March.

...Well thats fantastic isn't it.

And to think that I once wrote an essay on the right to vote being more important than the right to eat, on the basis that the right to vote implied an election. Well it seems I was wrong. Since you have to sort your right to vote out in the absence of an election and then when one comes along you can vote.

Nice One Tony

Read whilst listening to: Re:volution - coldcut and starting an underground political movement to overthrow the establishment.

p'ed off

It seems that blogger and I are having a stormy relationship.

Most of the time when I write I am offline, and then I connect and post the collected masterpieces (much like having an outbox). However the last two times I have tried to connect the blogger site has been down, so I now have a (quite) long list of posts which are getting decreasingly topical by the day.

Hopefully I will be able to arrange a time when I am online an blogger is working so I can post them.

In the meantime listen to the GO OST.