Nothing and Everything

I hadn?t realised that I had left it so long between posts, oops, you my valued readers will be no doubt fretting.(ha).
So here?s a long post about everything and nothing

I was reading Owen Meany over the weekend, trying to finish it off, for some reason it has taken me a long time to read, I broke off to read ?Sweet Smell of Psychosis? and The Hobbit, but that?s another story (actually two other stories). So I was reading about Owen Meany?s funeral, and how moving it was, because the Pastor Mr Merril had just had his epiphany with the dressmakers dummy, etc. Anyway I thought how so far removed that funeral was from anything I would want to mark my passing. So I got to thinking what I would want for a funeral, and I think that I would ask for the minimum of fuss, get rid of the corpse, give what organs I have not destroyed to someone who can still use them, maybe play some music (Song of Life ?Leftfield, Easter Song ? A Man Called Adam), have a drink and get on with getting older yourselves. Not that I really expect too many people to notice my passing. I suspect that to most I have become not much more than some ASCII characters at the end of an increasingly virtual connection.

The number of books I have left to read never seems to diminish. At present it is around 10 or so books, which I want to read and two, three or four which I feel I ought to read., maybe I should take some time out just to work through this list, but as mentioned above, since the list does not diminish this will never work. This was my original plan two and a half years ago when Andy and I ended up going to Cambodia. I remember reading Heart of Darkness & Stupid White Men, I must have taken at least one other book, but I really can?t remember what that would be (Lonely Planet?s aside). The previous year it had been A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, The Smiths (stolen by Mac and destroyed), Geisha (why?)
And that brings me onto another point: Three and a half years ago we visited Thailand, and stayed in Raileh a beautiful place one the Andaman coast just north of Krabi. I dread to think what remains of this place now, after the Tsunami, I always planned to go back there, but I suspect that if it has been wiped out then it will be replaced by big modern facilities which would defeat the point. I guess there?s a chance that Phuket took the brunt and Krabi was saved.
Holy 5hit, I guess you get so used to seeing death and destruction on TV that it really doesn?t register, but I just saw this on the FCO website:
Phi Phi Island was badly hit by the tsunami. The injured and most of the survivors were taken off the island within 48 hours of the disaster. There is no body collection area on Phi Phi Island. Recovery of victims from the island is currently still underway.
You are advised that visiting this area is a very traumatic experience, and one that we do not recommend. Phi Phi Island remains under forensic investigation, and access is restricted. If any relatives wish to visit the remainder of the area, we recommend that they discuss options with their consular officer from the British Embassy Office in Phuket.
Also:
Unfortunately, the chances of finding someone are getting smaller and smaller. Therefore we are providing information about the fatalities as well. We are currently trying to get all the fatalities to one site: Wat Yan Yao. There is absolutely no use for you to go in and look for missing persons yourself. Besides the danger of getting infectious diseases, you will not be able to recognise the missing person. That is why we strongly recommend that you do not go in the temples yourself. Forensic doctors and many volunteers are working night and day to identify the fatalities by taking DNA samples and taking photographs of characteristics you might recognise. Contact your own Embassy about where you can go to give your own DNA. There are information boards in front of the Wat with photographs. There are also missing persons forms which you can complete. Positive identification of all the fatalities is a difficult job and it is estimated that this process will be about 2-3 months.
If that doesn?t make it real for you then nothing will.

Taxing Issues part 4

I heard the "religious" thought for the day on BFBS (British Forces Broadcasting Something), which was all about it being tax day, and how the guy hadn't filed his tax return, then he said, "no post to public buildings on a Saturday". This set me into a bit of a panic, thinking that my tax return might be late, but I guess that there is nothing I can do about it, so I will just sit back and relax.
He then went on to talk about God not having a deadline or some such stuff, I am not sure how happy I feel about some guy telling our nations finest to rely on a fabricated deity, and in this day of religious freedom, how do the armed services cater for the religious smorgersbord required by the enlightened modern fighting force. I think I will investigate.

Sunday musing

I have just noticed that the backs of my hands are becoming increasingly hirsute, is this something to do with old age? Whatever the reason I am not sure what can be done about it. Trimming or shaving would seem to be a bit weird, waxing even more so, then the only other option is bleaching which simply ain?t going to happen. I think I will stick with absent minded plucking.
I am reminded of the old playground joke, ?what?s the second sign of madness? ? having hairs in the palms of your hands? what?s the first sign?...looking for them!?.
Talking of palms I makes me think of Oliver Stone?s short lived series Wild Palms, I like the review of this as ?never quite as good as it thinks it is?. But in case you forgot it was a kind of futuristic vision of business and weirdness, which was a little bit Twin Peaks and a little bit Rising Sun. Any way it had a post porkies, pre-sex in the city Kim Cattral and James Belushi. The most exciting thing I remember about this was they had holographic TV, a bit like R2D2?s projection.

It?s nearly Karneval time here in Düsseldorf, and I expect at least something interesting, which might, after filtering through my drunken stupour be worth troubling these (not so) hallowed pages with.

Taxing Issues part 3

Finally it's away. The Tax return that is. So I hope it will be picked up tonight (but probably tomorrow, Wednesday, then one day to England; Thursday, delivered Friday or Saturday at the latest, I f*cking well hope.

Next time (if there is a next time) I'm doing it the very instant I get the form.

Taxing Issues - part two

OH MY GOD

So now I have obtained my new password from the IR so I log into the portal to file my tax return and.....
...you cannot complete sections on share save schemes or non-residency. I am still in the same position as I was in August AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH, now only 13 days left until the deadline though.

I wish I had taken the advice and hired an accountant. I am also told that I need to complete tax returns here in Germany, now if the British Inland Revenue can make things so hard, I dread to think how I am going to survive completing a German tax return. No wonder so many people opt for an "alternative" lifestyle.

...And now the IR portal has crashed my internet connection.

read while listening to: the Fat of the land
or
Animal Rights

Where is this all going?

Sorry I haven~t written anything for a while, well over a week to be honest, I might make the excuse that I have been busy, and over the weekend this was true, but I think we all know the truth is that I am lazy.

I realised that writing a journal (diary, blog....) is not something to be taken lightly, it might make interesting reading if your life is interesting, if I were a volunteer helping out with Tsunami problems, or the first Airbus A380 pilot, or such forth, I would not need to think too much about what to write, the story is right there and everyone will find it interesting. When you live here in Dusseldorf and life is comfortably dull, its difficult to find interesting gems that people might want to read about. (as you are discovering).

So I will try to filter the world and distill the more potent stuff, which I guess is my way of saying I won't be writing every day. Ha

read whilst listening to: Lee Hazelwood & Nancy Sinatra - Some Velvet Morning

Taxing Issues

AAAArrrrghhh

It is January and I have to complete my tax return 2003/04 before the end of the year.
Now the TV commercial says "Tax needn't be taxing", but...
in August I downloaded all the forms I needed and started to complete them, only to find that I needed a special reference, I emailed and rang the relevant people and they told me that I didn't need to file a self assessment, but that I did need to return an expatriation form, etc.
In October (after the first self assessment deadline) they sent me a self assessment form (minus one relevant section) and told me I needed to complete this, but that I had missed the first deadline, but I could complete it online or do the maths myself on paper.
Now I had to collect together all the paperwork and start, so I set myself the date of 27/12/04 to complete the online form, but then (and admittedly only then because I had not done anytthing with it) I found that you need to register for an online completion, and they (IR) send you a user id and PIN in the post, therefore I couldn't complete it at that point and had to wait until I got back to Germany.
Now I am here and am trying again and feeling pretty good about it, only to find out that I have forgotten my password, (my fault I know), so I request a new password, but they have to send that in the post, aaarrgh and I can't use my account until I use this new password which is on its way to me. AAAAAaaarrrgh. So I am back to completing the paper copy which I could have done in August.
Tax doesn't have to be taxing! Ha

Detox going strong

I had a very mixed day with a bit of a disaster towards the end (the details of which are pretty unimportant), but what I really felt like after my first week of work in 2005 was going to the pub and drinking a lot of beer. BUT its January and I'm trying to treat my body to a holiday from excess, and so I settled for a diet cola, now my girlfriend tells me that this is worse than drinking beer, but I don't listen. (In fact someone else once told me that diet cola is so bad that the only way to dispose of it is to pour it down disused mine shafts, I have just checked google and can't find any corroboration of this, though http://www.blacktable.com/gillin040317.htm looks very interesting!!!!)

Back to the point, I saw on MSN a link about how healthy detox is, so I clicked and was taken another page which linked to the actual topic, the article was typical, limited info and common sense, because the world is so dumb. Advice like "diets involving drinking only drinking water can be bad for you and are not recommended", yep thats why we evolved with teeth!
The point is though that this banal advice was located under the WOMEN section of MSN. Now I don't know but that makes me think. a) should men not be worried about diet, detox, health etc.? b) if I am wanting to know more about a subject in the MSN WOMEN section does that make me less of a man? c) is health conscience the sole domain of women? d) why is there no MSN Men section.
MSN UK has the following sections: Auctions from eBay Cars Computing & Tech Dating & Personals Entertainment Games HoroscopesJobs MobileMoney National LotteryNews & Weather Property Public ServicesShopping Sport from SkySports Travel Women
Why is there no men section, or should we just leap straight to www.FHM.com (not safe for work).


recommended music for this blog entry> http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio1_aod.shtml?r1blueroomsun

Start the Blog Rolling

So I caught the blog bug, and set up my own weblog, I hope that I will find enough of interest to write here.

In order to get it all going, I'll post some of my old rants. Apologies if they offend anyone.

Detoxing Jan

Well after a december of excess (as usual) I think its a good idea to try and give the old body a rest. So I am making the resolution to try a light detox as follows:
No alcohol
No refined sugars (or processed or whatever)

I am not claiming this will turn me into anything resembling healthy, but surely it can't hurt? Can it?

I will let you know how it goes, yes all of you.